


Nightmares

by RoninReverie



Series: Old Kanera Fanfiction [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Continuity What Continuity, F/M, Order 66, Post-Star Wars: A New Dawn, Pre-Star Wars: Rebels, kanan comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14394741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoninReverie/pseuds/RoninReverie
Summary: After the events of the planet Gorse, Kanan and Hera adapt to living together as a crew, but things get off to a bumpy start.





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr: [Link!](http://roninreverie.tumblr.com/post/136374772514/nightmares)
> 
>  **IMPORTANT!** This series was written before the second half of season 2 aired on television, so all content is based on my headcanons after season 1 and the "A New Dawn" novel.  
>  Continuity to canon history is off in ways such as: Chopper's origins and Hera's family background. Please keep that in mind before continuing. If it helps, you can pretend it is an alternate reality type of thing.
> 
> There are obscure Star Wars references in each chapter though, if any hardcore fans want to try and find them!

“So…this is my room then?” Kanan asked knowingly.

Hera grew more and more annoyed with the constant engaging tone in her new crewmate’s voice.

“For the tenth time, Kanan, yes!” she said. “That’s why I had you clean it out.”

“Right across from yours?” Kanan smirked at her with an added wink. “Can’t keep me quite out of arms reach, can you Hera?” 

Hera looked to the ceiling for strength and replied calmly, “More like a short leash.”

Kanan smirked. “Uh huh…”

Hera rolled her eyes and talked back to her flirtatious friend with an annoyed hum in her voice, “Look Kanan,” she said as she looked to him and pointed between his eyes. “Might I remind you, yet again, that the other two rooms are being used for storage? One of which contains the supplies we picked up after dropping Zaluna at her home? The supplies for the people on Selvaris?”

“Yeah…I don’t even know where that is?” Kanan shrugged. He fumbled down the hall after the small Twi’lek and continued at his attempts to talk with her. “I just thought you might enjoy my company is all.”

“And who  _wouldn’t_  enjoy your company?” she teased.

“I can think of a few…” Kanan’s mind raced.

“Look, this was the only room without need of major repairs,” Hera sighed. “The person who owned this ship before me was not very generous to the other two rooms.” Her face got a devilish look to it. “But, if you’re unhappy, I can always let you keep sleeping down in the bay with the rest of the crates?”

“Oh no,” Kanan motioned, “I am perfectly fine here, thank you.”

He still had the crick in his neck from a week of finding places to rest in the  _Ghost_. Hera didn’t plan on having a new crew member so soon, so it took a little while between collecting supplies on the neighboring planets of Gorse before she and Kanan could clear out what would become his new living quarters.

The  _Ghost_  was a large VCX-100 light freighter with major modifications to its engines and its structure, mostly on the outside or on the tech. The interior in terms of decorating—that was one thing she hadn’t even touched. 

Spare parts and old junk heaps hid beneath the doors of the former sleeping quarters, being used for anything except the room’s intended purpose. After only a few days on board the  _Ghost_ , Kanan quickly realized that Hera might have been a bit of a pack-rat when it came to useless junk and too many rooms to herself. That, and the ability of a  _‘woman’s touch’_ was not a skill that the dear captain possessed.

Hera chuckled and opened her door with a nod to her new crewmate.

“Without a working hyperdrive, it will take us about three days to get across the inner rim to Selvaris,” she informed. “In the meantime, Kanan, I suggest you start pulling your weight  _if_ you want to be recognized as an official member of this crew. I need those crates in the bay organized and the equipment from your room cleaned out of the back before we reach the planet.”

“Whatever you say, _captain_ ,” he saluted. “I still think we should stop at Rion on the way, they have these amazing drinks there, and honestly I think that you could use the downtime…”

“And why is that?” She gave him a look.

Kanan treaded carefully. “Well for one, you have been kind of uptight since we left Gorse. You seem stressed.”

“Ha!” She let out one chuckle and then turned to face Kanan. “I am  _not_  stressed.”

“Well these are stressful times—” he pressed on, “I mean, we’re trading medical supplies for a new hyperdrive!”

“Hmm…well, maybe next time.” Her melodic voice seemed to make an amused sound before Hera slipped into her room and the automatic door slid shut quickly behind her. “Goodnight, Kanan…”

He momentarily forgot how to reply.

“R-right… next time then…” he scrambled.

Kanan Jarrus shut his own door and groaned loudly because he had just flirted hopelessly at Hera again. He thought that they had been over this. Hera was the captain, and he was a member of her crew, that was it. 

Call it old habits, or simply the unexplainable fact that Hera made Kanan forget how to speak sense whenever he was around her, but he found himself saying the wrong thing on more than one occasion whenever the two of them talked. It was just something about her… something she did to his brain.

“What is wrong with you?” Kanan asked himself.

Meanwhile, Hera rubbed her temples with a migraine because this was the fourth pass that Kanan made at her today alone. 

“What am I going to do with him?” she sighed aloud.

“What was that!?” He slapped his forehead. “You’ve been travelling together for a week now, so how come every word that comes out of your mouth is something stupid? It’s like you’ve never talked to a woman before!”

“The enclosed air must be getting to him…” Hera thought. “I wonder if he’s ever been in cooped up in a ship for this long before? Certainly he has…right?”

Kanan yelled to himself, “Oh, she must think I’m a total fool…”

“Either that, or he’s a total fool?”

“Gah! Stupid! What is wrong with you!”

Hera paused and smiled once as she yelled out her door, “You know that I can hear you, right?”

A deathly silence overtook the ship before both doors opened and Kanan, red-faced stood in the doorway as Hera lifted her brow at him.

“ _Riiiiight…_ ” He hummed awkwardly.

With a shake of her head and a smile, Hera laughed and went back into her room. “Goodnight Kanan.”

Kanan was still embarrassed, and he closed his door immediately after her.

“Yeah…night…” He mumbled.

Hera grinned, “Fool it is.” 

* * *

 

Hera awoke to the light choking noises that echoed over from the next room. The voice was unmistakably Kanan’s. It wasn’t quite a cough for air but more of a rhythmic whimpering that disturbed the very peace of the dark, drifting space ship.

“Kanan?” Hera yawned and rose from her bed. 

The choking noises grew louder and Hera grew more concerned with every step towards her door. Was Kanan suffocating? Did something happen? Was the ship infiltrated? Her mind raced to the worst conclusions as she hurried across the hall to the other room.

She barged through Kanan’s bedroom door, and peered through the darkness, but there was no assailant, and no sign of an oxygen breach. Hera saw only Kanan’s body tossing and turning around his bunk. His voice was gasping and his face sweaty and crinkled as the nightmare in his head took its toll on his body.

“Kanan…” Hera whispered. She spoke louder when he didn’t reply. “Kanan, wake up!”

The former Jedi sprang upward and hit his head on the top bunk of his bedding with a painful sounding  _thud!_

“ _Ow!_ ” he cried, waking slowly as he looked over to Hera with concern. “What’s the matter?” he asked groggily, “Are we under attack again?”

“Sorry, not this time,” Hera leaned in the open doorway relieved, but she didn’t let Kanan know it. “You were having a nightmare—” she said, “and a pretty bad one from the sound of it. You want to talk about it?”

It was true. Kanan was having a nightmare.  _The nightmare._ _Again._  

It was no surprise to him though, he had relived the dark day of Order 66 over in his mind at least once every few weeks. Any little thing could rekindle a memory, a fragment of his past life that Kanan had hoped never to remember. Like a phantom, the past was constantly lurking in the back of his mind, however, the ex-jedi usually willed the bad thoughts away, hid them with something different, or created new thoughts to keep his mind at ease. When he slept was when he let his mind drift, vulnerable to what might come crawling out of the dark depths of his mind without his watchful eye there to stop it.

Though Hera knew about his Jedi origins, she never pressured him to talk about it, which Kanan was thankful for. He didn’t want to talk about it, and in all honesty, before the events on Gorse, he was able to partially forget the whole thing for a short while himself. It was years ago, a scar by now, and he didn’t believe it mattered anymore. Those memories, they didn’t belong to him, they were Caleb Dume’s, and that person was no longer here.

“It was nothing,” Kanan lied and wiped the sweat off of his face. “Sorry I woke you, but it’s nothing to worry about. You can go back to sleep.”

“You sure?” she inquired, “You might feel better.”

Kanan looked and saw the sincerity shinning in her bright green eyes. It was the first time that he’d really noticed what she was wearing— _or not wearing was more like it._  Hera’s pajamas consisted of a worn out old white top with tiny shorts that Kanan could only assume were her undergarments. Her usual grease stained pilot’s uniform with her goggles and headgear were gone, and now there stood only this lithe Twi’lek woman with smooth green skin showing everywhere.

Kanan blushed and darted his attention to the corner of the ceiling.

“No, I’m fine, honest.” He said before regaining what little cool he had left. With his smoldering smirk, his gaze returned to Hera and he said, “Unless of course, you’re here to sneak a peak at what I wear to bed?”

Hera almost blushed, but hid it slyly behind a scoff as she rolled her eyes.

“Goodnight Kanan!”

“Night!” He called sweetly as she stormed out of his room.

When she was gone, he slammed his hands into his face and fell backward with a loud sigh. “What is wrong with me?”

Against all odds, he was actually glad to have this embarrassment of his to mull over. It would distract him for the rest of the night from the memories, and the ghostly voice of his master, and those of his many fallen friends and allies.

Hera, back in her room, shook her head and looked down at her bare toes. She let out a sigh. 

Wide awake, her eyes sprang open with the full realization of what she’d just done…in her pajamas…with Kanan…and that he saw her in her—

Kanan had just settled into his bunk when the unpleasant sense of a thousand rages shivered across his body.

“KANAN JARRUS!” 

Hera’s voice pierced even the deepest corners of the ship and Kanan thought it might be best to sleep on the top bunk tonight, just to be safe.

* * *

 

The next morning, Hera avoided all eye contact with Kanan, to which he took an extreme notice to. 

 _Okay Kanan,_  he thought,  _don’t say one of the normal stupid things that you would normally say to Hera. She is really embarrassed, uncomfortable, and you don’t need the force to sense that. So just be casual…be cool…don’t say anything stupid…don’t say anything stupid…_

“So…” Kanan stretched, “I sleep in my underwear too, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“WHAT!?”

_What?!_

“I—Uh—I only meant that—you—I mean, you—” Kanan stammered.

“Maybe you should stop talking and go check below deck for any extra plasma conduits in case we run into trouble near Selvaris.”

“Plasma con—right…going.”

When safely out of the ships cockpit, Kanan repeatedly slammed his head into the wall of the Ghost.

Hera growled to herself and gripped the steering handles tightly. She didn’t need any plasma conduit, she knew that, but Kanan didn’t. His— _personality_  was a hard one to get over, and it had actually gotten worse since they’ve been travelling together. Hera figured this was Kanan’s way of defending himself against embarrassment, but for the life of her, she couldn’t understand his methods. She hoped that he would get past this phase soon and start acting like himself around her, but until then she would simply have to endure.

“Hey Hera?” 

He poked his head back through the cockpit and tapped lightly on the door.

She sighed, “Yes Kanan?”

“Quick question—what does plasma conduit look like again?”

It was going to be a  _long_  day…

* * *

 

That night, Hera was woken from her sleep yet again by the sounds of Kanan coughing. Tonight it sounded almost as though he was retching and dry heaving in his room. They had eaten a very bland ration pack for dinner that night, so it was nothing the food could have caused. No, she knew better. It was another nightmare.  

“Not again…” 

Hera thought it might be alright to simply ignore him after what happened last night, but with every second the sounds of his suffering erased that thought from her mind. She grumbled and rose to knock on his door.

She tapped lightly on the outside of the metal.

“Kanan,” she said, “You’re having another nightmare, Kanan…wake up.”

When nothing changed, she pounded louder on the door.

“Kanan! Hey, Kanan!” She stopped, “I am not coming in there again, so you better just—better just…” She grew quiet as silence ensued the hall space. Hera wasn’t sure if Kanan was awake or not, but she leaned forward curiously to listen in on his door when—

_WHOOSH!_

The door slid open suddenly, and she almost fell into Kanan’s bare chested body. Hera blushed noticeably, and stood upright before he could rub the sleep out of his eyes. 

Kanan wasn’t just being _—well Kanan—_ when he was talking about his sleepwear. Kanan slept in a pair of black boxer shorts that fit to his body to allow movement that Hera could only imagine the Jedi required. That wasn’t as bad of a distraction as the physique that Kanan wore. He was incredibly fit, with a few healed-over scars tracing his torso and arms. Two large yet feint healed over wounds from years ago traced his side and chest where it appeared that he had once been shot. Hera tried not to stare, and looked instead to his face, where she noticed his normally tied back hair, was a disheveled mess that traced his face down to his neck.

“Can I—” He paused and tried to act aloof, “Help you with something?”

He smirked, but his eyes darted nervously around the hall, and he could feel the tension in the hallway growing stronger with each passing moment.

Hera frowned and regained her composure, as she poked a finger at Kanan’s chest and stared daggers into his startled blue eyes.

“You woke me up again with your nightmares!” She accused. “So you want to talk about them now?”

“You know,” he darted around the question, “I’m beginning to think that these little nightly visits are just an excuse to come and see me.”

Hera gave him a look.

“I knew you couldn’t be away from me for long, but this—might be a little  _too_ clingy, you think?”

“Oh, I’ll show you clingy…” she growled under her breath.

“Well, if that’s all you needed,” Kanan turned to go back to his room, when Hera caught his door and then spun him back around to meet her vengeful green eyes.

“You don’t have to avoid the question!” Her gaze softened and she took a breath, “Kanan, did you ever think if you talk about it then maybe the bad dreams will go away?  _Spill…_ ”

“There’s nothing to talk about!” Kanan laughed once as though the question itself was ridiculous, then he grew serious and huffed once. “I’m sorry. Really, it’s nothing. I was just finishing the dream from yesterday. You interrupted me last night, so I finished it all tonight… It’s out of my system, and I swear it won’t happen again. Okay?”

Hera read the man’s face, and with a sigh of defeat, decided not to pry any further.

Kanan knew he was lying to her, but thankfully he got the impression that Hera believed him—or at the very least, she wasn’t going to ask a third time.

She turned to open her own room as Kanan lingered in his doorway. With her back to him, she turned her head and with that soft, compassionate voice of hers, she said, “Well, if you ever want to talk…you know where to find me. Sweet dreams, Kanan.”

Kanan blinked once. Though every fiber of his being wanted to say something sincere like  _'thank you!’_  or  _'I appreciate your concern!’_  the only thing that he was able to say was:

“Nice shirt.”

“Why you!” She came at his door, but he shut it quickly, just in time to hear her fist slam into the metal.

He stood motionless until he heard her stomp into her room and slam the automatic door behind her.

Kanan slid his face into the door and let the humility consume him.

“What—was—that?”

* * *

 

Kanan decided it was probably best to avoid Hera for today. They would be docking early tomorrow morning on Selvaris, so he made himself scarce yet useful and got the supplies ready for the drop.

Even through lunch and dinner, Kanan avoided Hera like a plague. Only this time, it was Hera who was concerned by the lack of quips and Kanan missing from her morning.

“Kanan!” Hera called. Her voice was normal, but Kanan was still unsure if he was in trouble for his big stupid mouth.

“Just finishing up in here!” He called, “Go ahead and hit the lights, I can find my way to my room in a minute.”

She looked down at him from the ledge. Even though she wanted to ask him a number of things, she decided to just approach him professionally.

“Our course is set in, so we should be arriving on Selvaris in a few hours. We should probably try and get some sleep while we’re on the protected route.”

“I’ll be right up,” he waved his hand and stuck his head inside a crate to avoid looking at her directly. “This is the last of your scrap metal that was stored in my room. I’m almost done organizing it down here.” He chuckled, “It’s not so hard once you get the hang of it.”

“That’s good.” Hera rubbed her elbow and turned away. “Okay…Well, goodnight Kanan. Try to sleep well.”

“Night, Hera.”

* * *

_“Perhaps I was being glib…”_

_“Your questioning nature is precisely what led me to choose you as my padawan.”_

_“Take this holocron—”_

_“Yes Master, thank you—“_

_“So you were the troublemaker, huh?”_

_“Ah, leave the kid alone—”_

_“Stop calling me kid!”_

_“Caleb…”_

_“Execute order 66!”_

_“Execute the jedi!”_

_“There are too many—”_

_“Go. I’ll be right behind you.”_

_“Run!”_

Kanan watched as his former clone comrades shot down his master, Depa Billaba. Fire and smoke, the dark death of night surrounded the planet Kellar with only cold and the sounds of blaster shots.

“Kanan!”

“Master?” Kanan stood a man now, on the grounds near his master. He reached for his lightsaber, but it was no longer at his side.

“Kanan!” She yelled again.

Reaching for his blaster, he shot down a clone trooper, then another, and another until he heard his old master scream.

“Master!” Kanan cried.

He held her in his arms as the cross fire pierced his shoulder and the ground near his feet.

The light in Depa’s eyes fading, she darted her attention with much concern to the hill where Caleb Dume had fled. Kanan turned and saw, not the padawan, Caleb, but a female Twi’lek firing down at the clones from the hill, and knocking one clone back down the cliff with a swift kick of her leg .

“Hera?” Kanan was baffled. He looked back to his arms, but his master had vanished. He grabbed his blaster and ran up the hill to aid her, though the closer he got to Hera, the farther away she seemed to get.

“Kanan!” Hera called out.

“I’m coming!” He replied, punching a trooper off of him as more flanked the side of the hill. They slapped Hera’s blaster away from her, and she looked to Kanan with the red fire glowing in her terrified green eyes. She screamed his name as Kanan watched the blast fire consume her, and just like his master, Hera vanished from his life all the same.

“No!” he shouted. He tripped to his knees and continued firing as the thousands of clones swept over him like a wave. The voices of Hera, his master, his friends, and his forgotten comrades repeated his name over, and over, and again, until—

“KANAN!” Hera’s voice rang louder than any other.

_WHACK!_

The former-Jedi’s eyes sprang open only to see Hera’s face on top of his own, the weight of her body was pushing him deeper into the bed, as his face felt the sting of her small hand strike across it.

“Hera!” he gasped and rose, only to hit his head on the bunk for the third night in a row. He felt the warm weight of Hera leave his body, and he let out a few deep breaths before rubbing at the sore bump forming on his forehead.

“Remind me to remove this bunk from my room, Hera…” Kanan rubbed his wound with a smile, before opening his eyes. Hera was sitting on the end of his bed in her pajamas again, only her eyes were huge and concerned, maybe even a little terrified. Kanan looked at her with a newfound worry and reached out a hand. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

She exploded.

 “WHAT’S WRONG!?”

* * *

 

Minutes earlier, Hera was suffering from her own nightmare. All of the negative energy from Kanan or the non-stop days of flying must have taken a toll on her subconscious.

She woke with a jump, only to spin around mid-air as she realized her bed had vanished and her body was floating in the middle of the room. Startled, she jolted once to the side of her bed and grabbed the railing for a hold.

“You’re kidding me! The anti-gravity gave out?” She huffed. “Can’t get just one night’s sleep in, can I?”

Hera’s bedroom door slid open, and she floated her way out. She decided it would be pointless to wake Kanan up, considering he was resting so quietly—that was all that mattered. Plus, she could handle this herself, Kanan was no mechanic. 

Hera floated masterfully to the head of the ship, where she checked the vials on all of the ships controls.

“That can’t be right…everything’s fine?” Hera studied the meters over and over again, “But then why would I be—” She paused at the realization and guided her body as quickly as possible back towards the hallway, “Kanan!”

Hera made it to Kanan’s room, where he lay jostling in his crude dreams, but everything else around him was suspended in mid-air. 

 _It must be the force?_  Hera thought.

She yelled his name, but Kanan was unresponsive. She glided her body over to his bunk and attempted to shake him awake, but the pressure of the air around him was stronger than out in the hall. She struggled, but finally pinned herself to the bottom of the top bunk, taking her hand and smacking Kanan across the face with a shout of his name.

“KANAN!”

* * *

 

“You’re exaggerating…” Kanan hoped.

“The entire ship,” she added, “You’re lucky we weren’t steered off course!”

“I—I know,” Kanan sighed, “I’m sorry, Hera.” He looked at her sincerely for the first time since they’d left Zaluna’s house. “I’m sorry I’ve been nothing but trouble since we met. Look, when we land tomorrow, I’ll get off the  _Ghost_  and hitch a ride. I’m not going to bother you with my problems anymore. I’m slowing you down, and I won’t get in the way of your mission.”

Hera gave him a look that could crack stone and punched him once in the shoulder, hard.

“OW!” Kanan cried, “What was that for!? I said I would leave!?”

“I don’t want you to leave, Kanan!” Hera growled, “I just want you to be honest with me.” She softened, “You aren’t the only one with nightmares you know? In fact, I was just suffering through one of my own tonight.”

“What?” Kanan was confused.

Hera sighed and rose from Kanan’s bunk.

“We all have nightmares Kanan,” she said. “And unlike you, I don’t want to spend another night reliving it.”

“Hera…” Kanan started.

She interrupted him before she could change her mind. “No, you need to hear this. You deserve to know what kind of ship you’re on, and what kind of person that I am. Why I’m doing this…” She looked at him, “You don’t have to tell me your story, but will you do me a favor and listen to mine?”

Silently, he nodded.

She needed to tell somebody. Anybody. It had been so many years… Hera trusted Kanan, and though he might act the part of a fool at times, she truly did know that he could have her confidence. She didn’t know how, but she knew it was true.

“When I was a little girl, I lived with my family on Ryloth.” She hugged her arms and turned to look at Kanan, who was still watching her with confusion in his stare. “I was only a little girl when the Separatists and their droid army attacked my people. I don’t even remember it all that well, but while my father and mother fought valiantly with the clones and Jedi above. They hid my sister and I below ground.”

“I didn’t know that,” Kanan breathed, mildly annoyed by her tale of the clones fighting alongside the Jedi, when he knew that the partnership the two shared was a lie even back then.

“My father was a freedom fighter, a warrior. He and my clan fought off the threats to my world, while the Republic tried to simply get food and supplies to my planet. The fight was on the ground, and in the skies—the ships that flew over, fighting for our people. It’s all I can remember. It’s the reason I became a pilot, the reason I help people against the Empire in any little way that I can.”

Kanan let his feet touch the floor. “It must have been hard…”

“It was like living in a cage. Our parents hardly let us above ground during the war, and they would never allow me into the skies. All I ever wanted to do was fly, and when they were away, I would sneak to the surface and watch the starships soar over Ryloth. When I got older, I managed to find a wrecked ship nearby, I studied the way it worked in secret, and taught myself how to fully operate it, without actually getting off the ground, you know? It was all theory, but also a bit of  _faith_. This feeling like I was  _meant_  to do this. It helped me cope with the conditions we lived with growing up.”

“Why are you telling me this, Hera?” he asked.

She sighed and looked hurt with the thoughts racing in her head.

“Because what happened next is my worst nightmare…” She let the words out calmly, and continued, “5,929.”

“What?”

“Five-thousand…nine-hundred…and twenty-nine,” she repeated slowly, “That is how many of my people from the Syndulla clan were taken as slaves to serve the Hutts across the galaxy. My family…my cousins…my sister—”

Kanan stiffened.

“When my mother and father were distracted with an outbreak—it was some diversion meant to drive the warriors away. My older sister and I were taken captive and held prisoner on a ship with who knows how many others. I didn’t know what had happened, until I woke up after take-off in a cell on a Zygerrian transport ship. Suddenly, my whole world had changed, I was in the air, I was flying, but before I knew it we were in space, and we didn’t stop flying, not even as Ryloth vanished from sight behind us. I was only ten years old, but I knew what was happening. My sister and I were about to reunite with all of our lost clan…as slaves.”

Hera sat on the floor.

“The slavers took us to Tatooine, and separated me from my sister when we landed. I tampered with his fuel line when he wasn’t looking, so we had to veer away from the group in order to fix his transport. That was the last time that I ever saw my sister…” Her breath quivered. “When we finally stopped, I noticed a ship nearby much like the one that crashed on Ryloth. Using what little training my father taught me, I was able to fight off my capture long enough to slip onboard before its owner noticed me. I was desperate for freedom, so I made a difficult choice…I stole the ship, and it was just dumb luck that I got her in the air. It was even more luck that I was able to fly the ship off of Tatooine.”

Kanan wasn’t so sure it was dumb-luck. Hera was an amazing pilot.  _Gifted even_. She had natural skill that he was convinced Hera was just born with. Kanan thought he might’ve known another pilot in the Jedi Order who was like that, but he didn’t remember who.

“Then what happened?” he asked.

Hera looked solemnly to the ground. “I didn’t know where to go, or what to do. Going back to Tatooine was suicide. I would be caught with a stolen ship, and if I wasn’t killed or arrested, then I would be returned to the slavers who were selling me to the Hutts. I was young, I had little training, no weapons, no idea how to get back home, and I could barely speak basic. So…I ran. I ran away and I didn’t look back.”

“You—” Kanan stopped himself. Much of Hera’s story was similar to his own, but he let her finish what she was going to say.

“I was so close to Ryloth…it would be years before I learned just how close to home I was. I flew the stolen ship away from the outer rim and followed different ships in my path until I started to run out of fuel. It was sheer luck again, or someone watching out for me, but my first landing didn’t kill me, and the path that I had been on was none other than the Kessel Run—full of traders and starships to guide me, protect me from drifting into lost space. The planet that I happened to land on was none other than the home world of the ship.”

“Corellia?”

“I was lucky to find a few hospitable people on the planet who didn’t ask too many questions. I told them that I was flying with the original pilot of the ship as his apprentice, and that he died under mysterious circumstances. I used my knowledge of aircrafts, and my own determination to get them to believe me. And, I eventually found a job nearby with a man who helped me fix my stolen ship, taught me to fly it better, and who even gave me food and shelter in exchange for work. The Corellians might have thought I was a slave who had stolen the ship instead of inherited it, but they treated me well in spite of it.”

The light in her eyes faded when she remembered that her story was not so lucky and happy as it sounded.

“Years passed. I left Corellia and traveled the galaxy. I learned so much being on my own. I learned to fight, I learned to fly. And I was actually good at it. The ship I stole from Tatooine was upgraded again and again to become this very ship we’re on now. I made friends with fellow freedom fighters, even some who knew of my father…but after all that time, all of my experience… I still didn’t return home…and I still haven’t gone back for my sister. I don’t know if I could handle knowing—”

Hera was visibly saddened, but her tears mixed with rage towards herself as she let the truth fly out from her mouth for the first time in her life.

“They probably don’t even know what became of me…or know if I’m alive, or in pain, or alone? I wonder every day how much pain I might have caused them, or if they’ve survived without me. I can’t face them after what I did! It is my darkest regret. It’s the story of how I became a pilot, but also the story of how I abandoned my family. I have had to live with the regret and pain of what I’ve chosen every day…and the  _what-ifs_  haunt me when I go to sleep at night.”

After she let it all seep in for a few long, silent moments, Hera sobbed into her hands until the warm touch of Kanan on her shoulder silenced her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I—It feels—nice—to finally tell somebody…”

“Why me?” he wondered quietly.

She took his hand.

“Because I trust you, Kanan.”

It’s been a long while since he’s heard anyone say that.

Kanan took her face in his hands, and she was dumbstruck. He pulled her close to him and finally settled her head to his bare chest, where he wrapped Hera tenderly into a much needed hug. 

He was warm,  _albeit_  a little sweaty, but with the tears on her cheeks, Hera didn’t much mind. When the shock wore off, Hera’s body loosened and she hugged back while Kanan softly stroked her lekku. He was so comforting, it had been years since Hera had felt this kind of warmth.

As he held his captain close, Kanan mulled over the next thing he was going to say very carefully… _Don’t say it, stupid,_  he thought.  _Don’t say it…_

“Thank you.”

He had said it! Nothing stupid, he did it. It felt easy, natural. There was no awkwardness at all between them, just this open void that he felt he could stay in for hours. The door was open, it was nothing but honesty between them now.

“Hera…” he started, and met her eyes which were red from dried tears, but still sparkling green as ever. Kanan took a breath.  _This,_  he thought, is the  _stupidest thing_  he’s ever said to anyone. Something he’s never before said to anyone… But, with the way he felt now, and the way Hera had opened up to him— _more so than he thinks she has ever confessed to someone before_ —he didn’t feel afraid, in fact, it just felt…. _right._

“Let me tell you about what happened—” he said, “When I became a padawan…”


End file.
